Imagine a conflict between two people at work. Maybe a very controlling manager and a very subservient employee.
This conflict has a dynamic which can however only persist as long as both parties are playing their role. The dynamic will change if one of them consciously decides to leave their role as they outgrow the situation by mastering the learning lesson behind the conflict.
If this happens then the second person has a choice to either continue nurturing the conflict by looking for someone else to take on the role of the other person, or to develop further, i.e. get out of their role as well.
Only in the latter case do the two people have a chance to meet again on another, more matured level and to continue their relationship.
“When you are able to love someone who isn’t loving you, then they must come to your level if there is to be an interaction.”Abraham Hicks
So the responsibility is on us. It is us who take care of our well-being.
No matter on which side of the conflict you are, e.g. the controlling manager or the subservient employee – it is a choice to stay in the role you took on at one point in the past as soon as you become aware of it.
This is the time to empower your inner Leader.
Consequently, it’s not about changing the other person in this dynamic, i.e. changing our outside world, but it’s about consciously deciding to change our inner world, i.e. the attitude we adopt, the story we tell us about ourselves and how we act from this place. If we do this, our outside world – which really is just a reflection of our inner world – will change through the dynamics of cause and effect almost magically by itself.
While this is a lot to digest and you might also feel an inner denial as you’re reading this… Doesn’t it feel so empowering to understand that you can actually change your life for the better without being dependent on or having to wait for someone else’s contribution?
You get to choose the battles you want to fight, if any at all.
And it can be really simple. I actually encourage you to experiment and decide upon your very own truth.
For example, next time you go into a meeting notice beforehand what your inner attitude is like towards that meeting and its participants, and compare how the meeting went depending on whether you were in a positive mood or in a rather negative one.
Especially, if you find yourself in the same difficult situations over and over again, find a different approach. You could try the following 5 minute “meditation”, before you go into a meeting next time and see whether you notice a difference;-).